It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
