my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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