Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
