The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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