Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
