Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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