when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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