Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
