our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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