ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
