i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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