I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
