i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
