why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
