He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
