so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
