Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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