He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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