I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
