don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
