You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize