I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
