Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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