I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am naked and annoyed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
