There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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