he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
