On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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