I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
