I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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