this beer tastes like vomit already
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
