anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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