You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
