Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
