you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
