ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
