I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
