I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize