Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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