I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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