pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
