I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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