Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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