i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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