The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
