He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Even my vagina gasped.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
