The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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