Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
