It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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