If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
