The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
