Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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