I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
