Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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