By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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