She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
