got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
