Betty ford says i'm here all night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
