guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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