I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
