well you can't waste a boner
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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