Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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