The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
