you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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